), in-laws, poor financial decisions, lack of intimacy, and the list goes on and on. • A motivated couple can begin to explore their problems from a new perspective. In fact, do a quick search in Google for “alternative to marriage counseling”. If the two of you don’t believe your marriage IS valuable, and worth doing every positive thing you can to make it healthy again (marriage counseling not in the list), then what hope can you have for your marriage? The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. All that matters now is that you need to find a solution to your marriage problems. The truth is that there are many factors that can impact the potential success or failure of marriage counseling … • Verbal or physical abuse is an issue in the marriage and one of the partners is fearful about their safety or well-being so clams up in sessions. For instance, in an article entitled "Marriage Counseling Made My Relationship Worse," the author leads with: "Does anyone have a good experience with marriage counseling? Lastly, if your spouse still is not comfortable with the idea of counseling, try a smaller baby step first. In sum, for marriage counseling to be effective, both partners need to be willing to take responsibility for their part in the problems, to accept each other's faults, and to be motivated to repair the relationship. So find a good counselor in your area and set up an appointment. However, I feel as though I am the only one who ever takes the actions needed to correct the issues. I have tried talking to him, crying, getting mad, writing him all and still nothing. Married couples go through several stages in their relationship and Alicia and Jared were having difficulty integrating recent changes. Marriages suffer for all kinds of reasons: lack of regular maintenance, an affair, an addiction, unhealthy behaviors (i.e. While I appreciate this author's candor, the premise of the article - that marriage counseling doesn't work simply because it didn't help the author - seems simplistic and it's not based on research. But when you turn to marriage counseling, the focus is on behavior, action and doing. All rights reserved. ", Further, Gottman coins the phrase "turning toward "one another to describe how couples can learn to react in a positive way to another's bids for attention rather than "turning away" - which generally involves ignoring a partner's bid, or acting preoccupied. Good question. Read our blogs, work through one of our online courses and maybe schedule a coaching session for just yourself. Did you know that most marriage counselors do not believe your marriage IS valuable? Her life dream is to someday write a book and see it published. Get a marriage book to read and discuss together or get a marriage podcast you can listen to together in the car. Written by Anna CollinsAnna Collins lives in sunny Southern California with her husband and two children. It’s therapy for individuals. Talk to virtually any couple who has been to a marriage counselor and you’ll find them in agreement. • It can provide "neutral territory" to help couples work through tough issues or to put aside "baggage" that prevents the couple from moving on. • Partners can improve communication that may have eroded the quality of their interactions. Marriage Counselors need to take a good look at their massive failure rate and realize that they’re doing more harm than good. Use the resources we have here at Marriage365. So, if your spouse isn’t at that place yet, take the first step to work on yourself… even if it means taking it alone. In his book The Relationship Cure, he writes: "It's not that these couples don't get mad or disagree. For others, they haven't taken the time to choose a therapist who is a good fit for them. I am at a loss and don’t know what to do at this point. Most experts agree that couples counseling is a relationship between three individuals and it's not the therapist's responsibility to "fix' the marriage. I have communicated my needs and he has heard them but he has choosen to do nothing to try and help the situation. You never thought it would happen to you. Understanding these factors is important in determining whether or not seeking therapy for problems in a marriage is the best decision. In fact, there have been statistics recently that stated 80% of marriages that end up in divorce could have been saved if the couple had only received the proper help they needed. While marriage counseling can be a fruitful way to assist Alicia and Jared in navigating through these changes, both partners need to buy into the process for it to be effective. However, not all research is that optimistic. Keep in mind that change doesn’t happen overnight, and even once you have begun to make a healthy change in yourself and in your marriage, your spouse might need some time to work through his or her own issues in order to be ready to join you in fighting for your marriage. Well it has now been over a month and nothing, he will not even kiss me more than a peck. I thought I was the only one who had so diligently tried counseling and failed. "Marriage Counseling Made My Relationship Worse. Ultimately, the real reason for their failure to save marriages may have something to do with their initial schooling and education. But to have success with it, to make your marriage … Please help! But based on the countless “horror stories” from the couples I’ve worked with over the years, these counselors are few and far between. The truth is that there are many factors that can impact the potential success or failure of marriage counseling for any given couple. I hope so. Now the REAL question you must ask yourself is this…. For some couples, marriage counseling is really divorce counseling because they've already thrown in the towel. If you’re considering seeing a marriage counselor, take this as your alternative view. It appeared to me that they were struggling with integrating the addition of two young children, Jared's recent job change, and the large-scale investment of buying a new home. Now I can see why it was never going to work… How can marriage counseling help couples? Equip yourself with tools to revive your marriage in as little as four weeks! Discover resources based on what you tell us about your relationship. We are great at communicating our issues to each other which is awesome. Your email address will not be published. It makes sense that the longer a couple waits to seek assistance, the more deeply entrenched the communication problems - thus making them more resistant to treatment. One of the main factors that can determine the effectiveness of marriage counseling is the motivation level of both partners. I am having issues in my marriage. Create change for yourself and your relationship, Book Casey and Meygan for your next conference or church event, Preview some of our most popular and helpful videos, Counseling hasn’t worked? • They can learn new ways to recognize and resolve conflicts as a result of the tools provided by the therapist. Not often and not well. Marriage365® © 2020. So what do you do when you recognize that your marriage needs professional help, but your spouse either isn’t there yet or refuses to go to get help with you? No matter what circumstances led to the current condition of your marriage, all that doesn’t matter anymore. 80% of all private practice marriage counselors in the U.S. say they conduct marriage … I love my husband and I want our relationship to work and I don’t know that he does. Couples that fail to talk through this find themselves inviting future calamity into their relationship... Members gain access to our entire library of webcasts,downloadable resources, our Marriage Checkup Quiz and exclusive courses.

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